"Is the plane meant to tip this much?"
It's a good question. You haven't been on a plane for several years, and you find yourself struggling to remember. Last time, you recollect, you'd had substantially more sleep during the flight and substantially fewer crayons lost in and around your chair. Coming on holiday with your best friend Flora had seemed like a great idea when she'd suggested it, and you'd jumped at the chance. You didn't really stop and consider the fact that these days she had two pre-school children.
However, as it had been neither Jeremy or Michella pestering you with the question about the angle at which your plane was coming in to land, and especially as the question didn't begin with the word "why," you feel that you should probably respond.
"Oh, yeah, it's fine. I've done this loads of times. I thought the same thing at first... but this is coMPLETELy normal."
You're not a big fan of raising your voice most of the time, but when it's a choice between raising your voice or not getting the end of your sentence out because of several tyres screeching as they hit a runway, it's an easy decision.
Flora and her offspring are no less excitable during the 20 minute transfer from the airport to your hotel on peaceful, tropical Summer Island. At times the bus lurches and veers so much you feel as though you're back in the air. And along some of the island's less-well-kept streets, you'd have been right. You half expect Flora to return to asking whether the angles at which your vehicle is tipping are safe and this time you don't think you could reassure her with the same look of conviction.
By the time you arrive at the hotel, you're exhausted, and you're in two minds as to whether you should make the most of the remaining few hours of the day and head to the beach with the three others or whether to make the most of the hotel room you've been allocated.
You decide to head to the beach.
Tourism for Dummies
"I could do with a relaxing walk down the beach." you think to yourself. "I need to clear my head after that terrible journey."
At least, it would have been relaxing, were it not for Jeremy and Michella running around screaming.
"Mummy I'm bored!"
"Mummy can we go home yet?"
In a desperate bid to keep yourself from turning insane, you decide to look around for something interesting. A small green crab catches your eye.
"Look at this!" you shout, picking the crab up. It pinches you. Hard.
"Ow! Why you little...." you shout.
"Look over there!" Flora points her children over to a large crowd assembling on the beach, as so to divert them away from the violence concerning you and the crab.
You all walk over to the crowd. In the middle an important looking man is standing on a stage.
"I am the mayor of Summer Island," he shouts, "and I would like to welcome all of you here. As you can see, the island has been restored to it's former glory after the nuclear testing that occured 50 years ago. This unique circumstance means that we have a large variety of unusual animals located in Summer Island Zoo. This can be found in the town to the West. Also in the town you will find the local casino, kindly run by our local crime syndicate. I would like to take this oppertunity to thank them. Keep up the good work."
"Our other major tourist attraction is the volcano you can see to your East. This volcano has not errupted in over 250 years, so that obviously means that it's now dormant, right? Right. Don't worry folks, there is nothing to fear."
"Oh, and before I forget, please do not feed the wildlife. We have over 364 different species of green crab here on Summer Island but one of them is poisonous. But don't worry, as this species is very rare. Still, if you think you are in danger, our resident witch doctor who lives at the base of the volcano can sort you out."
"Oh dear," says Flora, "Mabye you should go and see if you've been poisoned."
"Don't worry, the chance of that happening is so rare, there's nothing to worry about." You tell her. "So guys, where should we go next?"
You decide to go to the volcano in the East.
The Celine Dion Impersonator
"IWANNAGOTOTHEZOOIWANNAGOTOTHEZOO!!!" yell Jeremy and Michella, jumping up and down.
"Okay, the volcano it is, then," you reply. And off you go.
You ride a rather beat-up rental car up a windy road in order to reach this fabled volcano. As if the ride isn't already bad enough, you are suddenly forced to endure the putrid stench of Michella vomiting as well.
Finally, you reach the base of the volcano, where you are greeted by none other than Celine Dion.
"Welcome to zee Summer Island Volcano! Vee at Summer Island Tourism 'ope you enjoy your visit," she says in a typical French Canadian accent.
"Wow, are you REALLY Celine Dion?" gawks Flora in disbelief.
"Nah," replies Celine, reverting to an American accent. "I'm just a Celine Dion impersonator. But I can sing just like her. Wanna hear?"
"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S GOOD AND HOLY, NO!" you all say in unison.
"Alors, shall vee begin zee tour, zen?" says the Celine impersonator, using the French Canadian voice once again. "Eet eez very long, and so you might want to leave your kids in zee arcade next to zee witch doctor's hut."
Nobody's written what happens next. How about another random story?